Our Story...

In June of 2010, I walked into the Green Hills (Nashville) YMCA for the first time and Heather greeted me.  I thought she was pretty and I laid on my flirtatious charm pretty thick.  She asked me if I wanted to tour the facility.  I turned her down and went on into the gym.  Later on, she confessed she was disappointed and wondered why I didn't take her up on her offer. 

A couple months went by and I began noticing how remarkable Heather was, it was something about the way she carried herself, so boldly, yet with so much charm and kindness.  Overtime, I began looking for excuses to talk to her, I’d spend my whole workout thinking about some kind of less-than-awkward icebreaker to lean over the front desk and ask her. 

Then in November of that year, I went to a party dressed up in a black and gold spandex suit.  My roommate Ben was going to do a reading of Poe’s The Raven and I performed a dramatic reenactment (I mostly just said, ‘nevermore,’ a lot).  It was there that I ran into Heather and got to spend more than a ‘passing by the Y front desk’ amount of time with her.  That night, after having a couple beers, I asked her and a few of her fellow coworkers if I could be their favorite Y member.  I told them at my previous Y, I had become very close with the staff and I didn’t like feeling like a stranger.  They, led by Heather, obliged, and made a scene every time I came in after that.

Realizing we had a few similar friends, Heather and I began seeing each other more often outside of (her) work.  She came to my 25^th birthday party in February 2011 and we held hands all night at the bowling alley.  The next day I asked her out and the next weekend we met to play disc golf and she brought her married friend Tim.  I thought maybe I wasn’t clear about my intentions, later I found out she knew exactly what she was doing.

It took another week or two for Heather to finally decide I wasn’t all that bad and we went out for drinks.  The night ended up pretty romantically: holding hands and sipping wine next to a fire in her backyard.  It was all going swell, until one of us said something about homeless people and the proverbial record needle scratched off the vinyl.  The conversation digressed into an exhausting political debate and then I went home. 

Over the next year, Heather and I remained friends with all kinds of tensions.  We’d hang out in groups with people and gravitate toward one another every time.  We’d laugh loudly, flirt, and generally ignore everyone else in the room.  I’d see her at a house party and think if she would just vote for so and so or agree with me about such and such we’d be married by now!  Even when I moved to Murfreesboro in the fall of 2011, we’d still find ways to see each other and I’d feel so conflicted.  It got so bad that I even made a pros and cons list and sent it to her.  She agreed with me.

Then one night in the summer of 2012, I had a cookout at my house.  Heather came over and she was especially beautiful that night.  She told me that night was the most important one for our relationship.  It was the first time she had come over to my house since I moved out of Nashville.  When she saw the home I made for myself in my cozy little Murfreesboro apartment, with the flowers growing on the porch, it was the first time she realized how much I had grown up over the last year from that dude living in that dirty house with those five roommates. 

Everyone that met Heather that night told me she was ‘a keeper.’

We decided to give dating another chance and had dinner at Burger Up the following weekend. Evenings like this went on for a couple weeks and all the doubt began to creep in.  Was I ready?  What about all those disagreements?  Shouldn’t I be holding out for someone who’s exactly like me?

For two weeks I ignored Heather, trying to figure out if I should go through with it.  In her growing frustration Heather sent me a text that read, ‘My friends and I are talking about you and they think you need to pursue me.’  After much debate and discussion with just about everybody, I concluded that all of my so-called ‘red flags’ were superficial, and besides, the tensions of our differing opinions would probably help us be more understanding or something.  So I responded to her request to pursue her by simply saying, ‘fine.’

A few days later, we had a heart to heart, I apologized for being so distant and we agreed to start dating (for real this time).  The next night we had our first official date as a couple and shared our first kiss.  It was September 25^th, 2012 and Heather texted me before I went to sleep, ‘Mark this as a monumental day.’  I did.

It only took three more weeks for me to tell her I loved her, although I’ve wanted to for years.  On February 25^th, five months after our first kiss, I asked her to marry me.  I strung print outs of two and half years of our text messages, physical evidence of all of our struggling together, from the ceiling.  On April 30^th, we closed on our first home here in Murfreesboro, she’ll move in after the wedding.     

As I write this and reflect on almost three years of knowing Heather, I’m almost embarrassed it took me so long to be with her.  In hindsight it’s silly to push love away because you disagree with how tax dollars are spent or whether or not one of us likes the president.  But for me, I believe our story is about timing.  God is certainly in charge and I am thankful for that.  These superficial reasons are only superficial now.  At the time they seemed to matter a great deal and I believe God was using them as indicators, to tell me that I wasn’t ready.  I believe the more I’ve grown up, the more focused I am on what truly matters.  

I remember the first time I saw Heather, dressed in her work clothes, I thought she looked like a woman; a grown up one.  I knew even in that moment, that if I was ever going to be with her, I would need to be a grown up as well.  Looking back, these last three years have been some of the most formative years of my life.  It was during this time I lived alone for the first time, I wrote music no one else would hear, drink less frequently, called my parents more often, and began praying daily.  I’ve learned how to be more accepting and kind towards others and how to be ok in my own skin.  It’s certainly been a struggle, I’ve hurt others trying to do the best I can and skinned my knees plenty along the way.  But as I sit here today by the grace of God: I’ve finally grown up.  And I believe if you ask her, Heather will tell you she went through the same thing at the same time.  She is certainly a gift and I’ve finally arrived as the man who has the capacity to receive such a blessing. 

We’ll see you in September.